My Extended Essay Is Due Tomorrow

It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code. You have great revelations concerning Life, the Universe, and Everything else, but can't quite find the words for them before the white glow fades, leaving you more confused than before.

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You have 15 library cards each under a different alias. You searched all the books in the local public library, so you found a loophole that allowed you to check out books from the local university stacks. Your list of excuses for not doing your homework is the length of Anna Karenina. You exceed the 4200 word limit on the Extended Essay (by over 1000 words). The simplest words you know are at least 10 letters long. You ask what your summer reading assignment will be in October. You come into school at am to do Biology and don't complain. You get dirty looks from the Regular Kids in your homeroom. It takes more than one trip to carry the books you need between your car and your locker. You carry around SAT vocab flash cards to whip out in your free time. You can list all 5 definitions on vocabulary tests. When you are home sick, you can't help but wonder what work you're missing and what your homework is. When you're watching TV, you feel guilty because not all of your homework is done. That was a lie, you don't watch TV (except for NBC News at 6). You show up 4 hours late to an IB test and still manage to get a "5". During a Chemistry test, instead of doing the work, you write a random answer program in your TI-83 Silver Edition and get the highest score in the class. Your idea of great art is simultaneously graphing the sine, cosine and tangent graphs on your calculator. You have functioning electrical appliances in your locker.

You actually believe "mental health days" are excused absences. Brewing coffee takes too long, so you just eat the beans. You're afraid of sunlight since you haven't seen it in 3 years.

You have the chemical formula and steps of synthesis for caffeine memorized. You still think Beavis and Butthead is a true-to-life TV show about "normal high school".

You look foward to hell week because you think hell would be an improvement on your current situation.

The bags under your eyes are heavier than the ones carrying your textbooks.

Your contacts are so thick that you have trouble closing your eyes. You can count the number of hours you sleep each week on one missing hand. You've taught yourself how to take naps while walking to your next class. You actually put the apostrophe in front of the word " 'cause. You think MTV is a formula for mass, temperature and volume.

Your fellow IBers look forward to your parties, attend them, and do actual studying there. Your pick-up lines include compliments on the quality of her (his) epidermis and the wonderful shape of her (his) occipital plate. You forget your brother's name because you haven't seen him in three years.

You have races with your friends to see who can say the entire periodic table of elements the fastest. You'd go into severe spasms if you ever lost your IB herd. You see your Extended Essay advisor more than you see your parents.

You go insane from trying to work Pythagoras' constant and the golden rule into said equation. You succeed in mathematically correctly adding above to said formula without changing number bases. Pressed for time, you conclude a history essay with, "And they lived happily every after. You get into a slugging match over priority for the library photocopier. It's essential to learn to live with occasional failures.

You actually worry about the 105% you have in math. You find that you overreact when you get 2 points marked off on your homework. You find that you spend more time sleeping in class than at home.


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